How to: Open a Coconut

Many have wondered at the success of properly opening a coconut. I am here to tell you that it is not a task for the faint of heart; it takes copious amounts of determination to accomplish opening such a thing. According to the World English Dictionary a coconut is defined as “the fruit of the coconut palm, consisting of a hard fibrous husk surrounding a single-seeded nut with firm white flesh and a hollow core containing sweet-tasting liquid (coconut milk).” This, in and of its self, is intimidating. You cannot merely smash a coconut on the rocks with just your hands. Why? One: it will simply not work. Two: if, by some strange chance you do manage it, all of the milk will seep in to the ground and half of what you worked for will be lost.

If you believe you are one of the few who possess the adventurous spirit needed here are a few tips to help you:
1) Find a flat rock. Place your coconut on the rock and then find another larger rock to throw on it.
2) Throw said rock 2-3 times, only enough so that the outer husk is broken. Be careful not to crack open the inner portion of the coconut as the milk will all spill out and you will be forced to look like an incompetent amateur as you stand there, half a coconut held up to your face, trying unsuccessfully to drink the milk which is spilling all down your arms, face, and shirt attracting mass amounts of flies.
3) Once the outer portion in cracked go ahead and find yourself a thin piece of rock, one that you can force in between the inner and outer section. Then find a good bashing rock and essentially chisel the outer part out one section at a time, ripping off the husk around it as you go. This will take you a solid amount of time so I recommend taking a seat.
4) Once the outer section is completely off find a fifth rock, this one must be fairly thin. Use it to drill out one of the three “eyes” on the coconut. If a rock doesn’t work you can use a thin, preferably somewhat clean, stick in place of a rock.
5) Once the eye is pocked all the way through…drink your prize! Caution: the milk inside is enormously delicious; you may find yourself with a new addiction.
6) Once you have finished the last sip of that delightful milk you will be after the meat inside the coconut. Find another rock and crack your rock roughly ¾ of the way up. Follow this ¾ mark all around the coconut. If done correctly the top should split off and you will find yourself with a coconut bowl filled with mouthwatering wonder.


Things to consider:
- Don’t wear your best clothes; they will be ruined. This is a sweaty, physically demanding task and as such you should not be worried about getting your hands dirty, literally!
- Don’t be afraid to bring out your inner caveman. In fact, it will probably be tremendously helpful.
This is a task that takes extreme determination. You will have moments of complete frustration and I recommend channeling this energy in to giving an especially hard smash. This is not an activity for the faint of heart and should not be taken lightly. Proper coconut opening is one difficult task to master but the rewards are well worth the struggles. Don’t give up, good luck, and enjoy!